Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
