I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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