party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
