JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
