its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
