i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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