dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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