i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins