Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives