...so i touched it.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
