Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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