You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Omg the world wants us to be better people