Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?