I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.