i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
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You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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