I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
