So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
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There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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