Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
