i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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