i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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