Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize