My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
