Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
