So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
