i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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