Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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