there's paper in my vomit.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
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HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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