i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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