she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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