he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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