Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
