we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize