$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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