he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
