You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
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I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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