im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.