he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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