I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
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No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.