She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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