i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
