never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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