I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
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Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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