sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
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The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
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It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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