im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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