There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
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I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
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Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.