It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick