Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay

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  (646): My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay http://tfl.nu/aqwf
  Replies (6) Good night (635) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.

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  (636): I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap. http://tfl.nu/1yuw
  Replies (56) Good night (1010) Bad night (3156) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.

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  (504): I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES. http://tfl.nu/2zjv
  Replies (37) Good night (7866) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.

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  (509): I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man. http://tfl.nu/1swk
  Replies (36) Good night (8769) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.

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  (206): and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment. http://tfl.nu/jfbz
  Replies (4) Good night (993) Bad night (2518) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...

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  (330): So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers... http://tfl.nu/y9ah
  Replies (8) Good night (2277) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.

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  (818): The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again. http://tfl.nu/z8ef
  Replies (11) Good night (4337) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?

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  (917): I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really? http://tfl.nu/2oxm
  Replies (15) Good night (966) Bad night (4844) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night

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  (202): but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night http://tfl.nu/v5ja
  Replies (8) Good night (2030) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.

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  (214): Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school. http://tfl.nu/ngpq
  Replies (4) Good night (3220) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"

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  (413): I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight" http://tfl.nu/ny0o
  Replies (4) Good night (1357) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something

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  (831): i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something http://tfl.nu/b053
  Replies (10) Good night (1500) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.

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  (914): He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will. http://tfl.nu/096i
  Replies (8) Good night (2156) Bad night (513)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.

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  (337): Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one. http://tfl.nu/xgt0
  Replies (1) Good night (995) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.

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  (501): I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job. http://tfl.nu/8e8h
  Replies (10) Good night (1805) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt

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