guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
