Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
