help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.