toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!