Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.