I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
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Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
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If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.