After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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