alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
