Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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