All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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