i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
