heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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