Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
